bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?