Texts From Last Night

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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

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  (231): i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future. http://tfl.nu/hfoa
  Replies (1) Good night (1023) Bad night (1353)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

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  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (4134) Bad night (683)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.

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  (785): You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early. http://tfl.nu/h3ys
  Replies (21) Good night (1118) Bad night (3800)
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  (315): View more from New York

  can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet

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  (315): can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet http://tfl.nu/ofc9
  Replies (13) Good night (4912) Bad night (663)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

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  (774): After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs. http://tfl.nu/szq4
  Replies (17) Good night (739) Bad night (3038)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!

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  (814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01
  Replies (14) Good night (2316) Bad night (639)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.

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  (803): I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night. http://tfl.nu/gwrd
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (1777)
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  (209): View more from California

  He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.

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  (209): He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding. http://tfl.nu/0fze
  Replies (7) Good night (530) Bad night (1011)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even

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  (440): she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even http://tfl.nu/5199
  Replies (17) Good night (2446) Bad night (1129)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.

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  (573): So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs. http://tfl.nu/477y
  Replies (12) Good night (2633) Bad night (657)
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  (925): View more from California

  What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party

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  (925): What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party http://tfl.nu/qwra
  Replies (3) Good night (1336) Bad night (635)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob

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  (240): I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob http://tfl.nu/qz5h
  Replies (7) Good night (906) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.

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  (210): Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that. (682): Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude. http://tfl.nu/g9al
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."

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  (559): I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce." http://tfl.nu/n8hm
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?

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  (803): If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away? http://tfl.nu/9eig
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (271)

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