Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

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(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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(317): View more from Indiana

that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

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(937): View more from Ohio

They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar

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(416): View more from Toronto

I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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(518): View more from New York

I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat

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(512): View more from Texas

He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?

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