she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
