So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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