Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

I should injure you considerably.

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(847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so. (1-847): I should injure you considerably. http://tfl.nu/3r9j

Replies (86) Good night (3969) Bad night (1520)
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(410): View more from Maryland

She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."

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(410): She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing." http://tfl.nu/ngah

Replies (36) Good night (735) Bad night (5878)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

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(502): Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? http://tfl.nu/vpae

Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (3871)
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(916): View more from California

It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.

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(916): It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her. http://tfl.nu/zc22

Replies (25) Good night (1222) Bad night (4702)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem

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(610): I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem http://tfl.nu/q0gs

Replies (6) Good night (2142) Bad night (1224)
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(512): View more from Texas

There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

(1-512): View more from Texas

Where are you?

(512): View more from Texas

Jimmy John's.

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(512): There are so many Jimmy John's employees here (1-512): Where are you? (512): Jimmy John's. http://tfl.nu/2l3c

Replies (10) Good night (5705) Bad night (774)
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(623): View more from Arizona

How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

(1-623): View more from Arizona

You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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(623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g

Replies (10) Good night (891) Bad night (1570)
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(760): View more from California

She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.

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(760): She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid. http://tfl.nu/c9kh

Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (1335)
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(480): View more from Arizona

We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet

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(480): We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet http://tfl.nu/q54w

Replies (5) Good night (1543) Bad night (466)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest

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(250): I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest http://tfl.nu/zut9

Replies (18) Good night (1201) Bad night (411)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.

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(574): I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both. http://tfl.nu/vmyj

Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (429)
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(940): View more from Texas

She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.

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(940): She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/jiew

Replies (9) Good night (1970) Bad night (593)
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(315): View more from New York

I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.

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(315): I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me. http://tfl.nu/d1qj

Replies (3) Good night (381) Bad night (192)
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(269): View more from Michigan

That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.

(269): View more from Michigan

AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.

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(269): That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE. (269): AND SOME IN THE TRUNK. http://tfl.nu/jicm

Replies (4) Good night (941) Bad night (234)
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(315): View more from New York

Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought

(1-315): View more from New York

Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss

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(315): Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought (1-315): Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss http://tfl.nu/2a6b

Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (219)

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