So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already