i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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