so explain again why im purple
no
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
