i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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