they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
