Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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