I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
