Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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