The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
