really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
