you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
