I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize