I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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