It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
