The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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