We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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