Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
