my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
