The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
