he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
