I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
