I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
