i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
