Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
