She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
