Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
