Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
