If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
