did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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