peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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