i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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