in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
