for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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