The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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