Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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