i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
