i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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