My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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