After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
