Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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