my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
