I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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