Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
