remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
