I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
