She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
