Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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