capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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