i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
