Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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