I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
