I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't make out with my wife yet
Its about making memories worth repressing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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