She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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