i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
