I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
