He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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