okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
