the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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