Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.