He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
