Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
