Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.

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(847): View more from Illinois

but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

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(602): View more from Arizona

I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(972): View more from Texas

I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.

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(713): View more from Texas

She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

How about a mike?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Already had two of those

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(773): View more from Illinois

him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.

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(512): View more from Texas

I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.

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