We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals