Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you win again, gameday.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night