he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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