3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
two words...techno handjob
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
