the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
