I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
