Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I could make wine with my vomit
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
