That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
