a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
