i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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