Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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