I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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