I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
