My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
