I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
