So gin and wine won't be happening again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
