What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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