It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
