I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
