Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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