its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
