As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
