dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
