i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
