I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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