he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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