Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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