You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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